When the postman don`t call on Valentine`s day
And Santa Claus don`t come on a Christmas Day
That umbrella won`t work on a rainy day
Don`t ask me, I already know

When they find you beached on the barrier reef
And the only pleasure treasured is in map relief
The choice is yours, sure, saint or thief
Don`t ask me I already know

When they baked your cake in little slices,
Kept your eyes on rising prices,
Wound up winning booby prizes;
I`m sure you`d like to think you know what life is

Find destiny through magazines
Liplicking, unzipping
Harpers and Queens
From here to eternity,
Without in-betweens,
Don`t ask me, I already know

With your heart on parade and your heart on parole
I hope you find a sucker to buy that mink stole
School for scandal,
Guess who`s enrolled?
So ask me, I already know

When they find you beached on the barrier reef
When the postman don`t call on Valentine`s Day
When the only pleasure treasured is in map relief
When you don`t tell the truth, that`s the price you pay

When I`m shaking a hand, I`m clenching a fist
If you gave me a pound for the moments I missed
And I got dancing lessons for all the lips I shoulda kissed
I`d be a millionaire
I`d be a Fred Astaire